Your Most Important Sex Organ

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Got your attention?!

So, of course the genitals have been recognized, focused on and studied ad infinitum. We know the importance of healthy functioning genitals in our sex life. We know that the clitoris has 8,000 nerve endings. We know about the g-spot, the vagus nerve, that women are a slow burn and are more auditory than visual when it comes to physically being “turned on.”

And for males we know the head of the penis has 4,000 nerve endings. That men “heat up” much faster than the girls. That erections are affected by our health, our lifestyle and our minds.

Which brings me to the second touted most important sex organ…your brain. We now are able to study the affects of our thoughts, our stress, our desires, our dysfunctions in conjunction with brain activity, hormones and our hard wired histories/experiences. We know that desire has to be in place before the biological sequences can occur in both males and females. Even Viagra needs to have the desire signals on board for it to work in attaining and maintaining an erection.

Women need to feel desire (both ways desired and desirable) to lubricate and feel connected to a partner. And so, we know all this and yet our offices are filled with all manner of dysfunction, sexual boredom and relationship breakdown around intimacy.

Why? Well…my finding is that our Communication is our most important sex organ! Because of the guilt, fear and shame attached to our in born need to pleasure and be pleasured, people do not talk about what they want, and what they don’t want.

Men are trained in our culture that it is your responsibility to please the woman. You are to have a bag of tricks that makes every woman scream…that is according to the porn industry and the magazines staring at you in line at every grocery store. So men are not encouraged to ask…to talk about what they like or to find how their partner likes to be touched, where they like to be touched, is their left labia more sensitive than their right labia, etc.

And on the other side….women are trained to not speak up…don’t hurt your guy’s fragile male ego. What happens if the girls are not enjoying sexual encounters? They avoid them, they get through them or they fake having a good time.

Like in the porn industries depiction of women having multiple orgasms while being pounded for an hour….all made up! Hollywood…I’ve seen these movies made…sad that this is our model for how sexual interaction is suppose to occur.

So…how do we get more in charge, have more say about our bedroom experiences? Sit down with your partner and write up your lists, one is for your turn-ons, the other is for your turn-offs. Discuss the list one by one taking turns in negotiating how one another’s needs can be met.

If you are just beginning a sexual relationship, sit and talk about likes and dislikes, don’t just get enough alcohol one night, fall into bed and fumble around hoping for the best. This pattern could last a lifetime or at least several years before you find your way in to my office.

Susan Kaye, Ph.D.
Sex Therapist, Sex Educator, Intimacy Coach
Surrogate Partner Therapist

Visiting a Sex Shop for the first time

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How many times have you passed in front of an adult store and have been doubting to enter? Like you, there are a lot of people that have felt the curiosity but never set foot on one. Visiting a sexy boutique does not mean that you are perverted or addicted to sex; that misconception is false.

Sex is an important and fun part of our human nature, why not try new things that help to increase the mutual pleasure when you are with your partner? Many people do not know how fun sex toys can be either while alone on a business trip or at home with your partner. They are an opportunity, like ordering an exotic dish: there is no way to know if you like it before you try it.

What to expect when visiting an adult novelty store?

Let us start with the variety. At an adult store like New Fine Arts store, the word that comes to mind is “novelty”; there are not just vibrators, handcuffs and costumes, but everything in between: lubricants, rings, lingerie, edible powders, swings, Chinese balls, whips, films, masks, harnesses, candles, creams, and condoms… just to mention a small portion of the inventory. 

While browsing for an adult store in Dallas Fort Worth, you will find the New Fine Arts stores where, from the moment you walk in, you will feel like the time just stopped and without a doubt something will catch your attention and feel compelled to ask one of the employees for more information. No judgment zone here.

Maybe you have always wondered: “why are these stores so popular?” and may also wonder if buying “that certain” toy will change the sex with your partner. The answer is easy: more pleasure, new sensations, greater orgasmic possibility, and the most important thing: to develop the playful potential that we all have inside. With sex toys your orgasms will be more intense and lasting. 

With time and practice you will reach orgasms much easier, which will be incredibly positive for your relationship. They increase the libido and make sexual encounters more enjoyable. You will be surprised to know that most of the sex toys come with instructions, so you can hardly go wrong when using them. 

If you are still doubting about trying something new, you can start with something as simple as changing your underwear with transparencies, sexier lingerie or buying a massage oil to release the tension of your partner after a hard day of work.

So, ditch the fear and come to one of New Fine Arts stores in Dallas Fort Worth. If you are worried about getting lost with all the selection of products, bring some friends, surely one of them has visited one a few times and can even give you recommendations; or bring your partner and make a selection together. This will be an amazing experience for both.  

Baby steps or be bold, you will not be disappointed, and a whole lot of initiatives will come to give a little flavor and variety to your sex life.

Live, Love, Play. Safe